


The Monster is Always There (Time Doesn't Make Him Fade)

by mushembra



Series: And He Finally Learned What Love and Kindness Meant [5]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Bladder shy, Desperation, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Omorashi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Public Humiliation, Regression, auditory hallucination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-24 16:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15634323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mushembra/pseuds/mushembra
Summary: Gavin suffered much under the tyranny of his father, and it left him scarred in ways no one knew or would likely be able to comprehendIt made even going out in public a logistical nightmare, because his father telling him no at every turn was so ingrained into his psycheSo when a shopping trip takes for too long and he can't get out before he falls into another regression, it's up to a father who lost it all and has come to find it all to show him it's ok to need





	The Monster is Always There (Time Doesn't Make Him Fade)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is turning into a series  
> With many more parts to come  
> Thanks to some inspiration (well a LOT) from a lovely someone in Discord and all of you lovely fans who have been so supportive!!!  
> I FUCKING LOVE ALL OF YOU!  
> I hope you enjoy this wild ride!

Gavin hated being in public. Well, he hated being in public in certain places. It dredged up terrible memories, memories of an uncaring father who didn’t care for his well-being or comfort. There were many times as a little boy when, naturally, he’s needed a toilet in public, but so often (virtually 100% of the time) he was denied and made to hold it. Which usually resulted either in pissing in the car or dancing around in the middle of the store with his hand shoved down his pants, wailing at the top of his lungs until he finally wet himself. And not a damn person who saw it did shit. How do you just ignore a distressed child like that? Probably why Gavin had such low regard of his own well-being to this very day. If no one cared for his suffering, why should he care? So any time he went out and about to places (whether to the exact location or similar establishments as those he associated with these experiences), he couldn’t piss. He just couldn’t. Something in his brain told him he didn't have permission.

Gavin had tried once. He had been at the gym (some new place that apparently had good equipment), and though he’s never been to a public gym in his life, Chris insisted and swore by the damn place. So off he went, and it had been ok at first. But when his bladder started asserting itself and he made his way to the bathroom, the detective found he couldn’t will his body to release. He hadn’t tried in years, and he hoped maybe he was finally over this bullshit. Apparently not. The longer he stood at the urinal, pushing his pelvic floor muscles, the more desperate he suddenly started to feel. But his bladder was sealed shut and wasn’t giving any time soon. But of course it did when he was on his way home in the car, all over his fucking seat. Apparently public bathrooms were still a no go. Some places were fine was the bizarre thing! Bars (he never went as a kid), convenience stores (his father never brought him inside), and schools (his father had no real power there), he was perfectly fine pissing there. But most stores, hell, even the Eden Club for crying out loud, were no go zones. So if he had to be out for an extended period of time, it made him very anxious. He had to plan around it depending on the errands that needed to be done.

Like today; grocery shopping day. One of the worst things he had to do in his opinion. It always took too long and there were some close calls in the past depending on how much he needed, how crowded it was, traffic. Too many factors he couldn’t control. The goal was to get this over with as fast as he could. Unfortunately it was already proving to not be fast enough to avoid discomfort. His bladder was already filling and pounding, and it was fucking frustrating. He had a little over half of his shopping to get to, but scanning shelves (especially low ones) was very difficult with a full bladder. He honestly didn’t want to finish, but he’d have to come back if he didn’t. Might as well wrap this up now. A second trip wouldn't necessarily prove to be any more comfortable.

Well, wrap this up now turned into thirty minutes, then one hour, and he was fairing no better. All it did was make him more desperate, edging Gavin to the breaking point. He leaned heavily against the cart, crossing his legs tightly as he surveyed the shelves. And of course the ketchup was on the bottom. Fucking great. Why did so many of the products he needed to get today have to be on the bottom shelf (the world was having a fucking laugh at him)? The detective steeled himself for a moment before crouching low, snatching up a bottle, and made to straighten back up—only for a burst of urine to wet his crotch. He froze, a wounded sound escaping his lips that he just couldn't stop.

_Stop your whining! You’re making a scene!_

“Oh f-fuck…”

This couldn’t be happening. Don’t let this be happening. Gavin pressed a hand against his mouth, trying his best to keep the pathetic sounds held back. He wasn’t here. His father wasn’t here. He had to remind himself over and over, and yet for some reason, the shelves started to appear a bit different, a little more dated, taller and crowding around him.

“Gotta…get out of here…”

Gavin knew vaguely somewhere deep in the recesses of his mind when he was about to enter a regression. The problem was he also knew that there was nothing he could do to stop it. He’s never been able to stop a regression or get himself out of one, and he never remembered what happened during such an event. But he did know one thing for damn sure; it was dangerous for them to happen when he was alone without someone there to protect him. He didn’t cherish the thought of needing protection, but regressing was a terrifying ordeal that left him vulnerable, and anything could happen to him. He needed to get out now while he still had the chance. Fuck the groceries, just leave them here. He’ll sort it out later. He tossed the ketchup into the cart and made for the front of the store at a stiff legged march, but when he came out of the aisle, he collided with a very sturdy body and fell back to the floor, hardly able to contain the heavy contents of his bladder in the process.

“My apol—Gavin? Oh, Gavin, I didn’t see you there.”

Connor. And Hank. Of fucking course, why did it have to be them? Because if it were just some stranger he could mutter an apology and make his way off. But it wasn’t, it had to be someone he knew. The android reached his hand down, and Gavin took it, standing rather awkwardly in an effort to hold his control and yet appear as normal as he possibly could. He needed out, he really needed to get the fuck out of here.

“Yeah, yeah. No biggie. I just uh…wasn’t…fucking watching where I was going.”

“Hey kid, you ok? You’re looking kinda peaky.”

Shit, and he could tell by the looks on their faces they were both catching on to what was wrong. He didn’t want to talk about this here. He couldn’t talk about this here, because he couldn’t piss here. He had to get out of this store, _now_. They couldn't help him, no one could help him. He just needed to get out and piss. On a tree, in his car, it didn't fucking matter. Just not here in the middle of the store.

“I just…there’s a thing I…I fucking have to—”

Oh fuck, his bladder wasn’t listening to him. He felt a thin stream trickle down his leg, and the distressed whine and way he twisted his legs together tightly was a dead give away. He didn’t care. He was about to piss, he knew it. 

_“Stop your squirming! You’re a big boy, sonny! Hold it!”_

“Gavin?”

Gavin could see both men edging closer to him, and suddenly the shelves were crowding uncomfortable around him, they seemed so much taller than they should be, and the two men in front of him started morphing into one man. A man who reeked of alcohol, whose green eyes held venom and hatred, his teeth stained a disgusting yellow and showing through that ugly sneer of his. It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t.

“Dad…dad _please_ I…”

Gavin couldn’t help but shove a hand into his jeans, gripping himself tightly through his boxers as he danced about, trying so desperately to hold it in a none too subtle manner. There was no dignity, no maintaining social appearance. He was a child again, desperate to pee, begging his father for permission, being denied again, as he always was. Reality was warped, and he couldn’t get it back. He was six, alone with this monster, and about to do the one thing he was absolutely forbidden to do; embarrass his father in public. And the punishment that was surely to come left him horrifically terrified.

\-----------------------

It all spiraled out of control fast. Hank knew the kid had to piss, it was pretty obvious. He and Connor have learned Gavin’s body language pretty well. But he went from being merely concerned as to why he would wait so long when there was a bathroom at the back of the store for public use, to being alarmed by the sudden wailing and outright potty dancing the detective was doing. Oh hell, he hoped to fucking god he wasn't regressing here in the middle of the store.

“Dad please! Please I n-need to pee!”

“Whoa, whoa, fuck!”

_Well, so much for hoping for that._

“Gavin…Gavin, please—”

Hank knew it was a bad idea for Connor to touch the detective the second he made to grab for him, and when that hand made contact, Gavin yanked himself away, waddling some ways back down the aisle towards where the bathroom would be with begging and pleading on his trembling lips. His heart was fucking broken. The damage just seemed to run deeper and deeper than he ever could have imagined. How could you fuck a kid up like this? What kind of heartless monster did it take to be so cruel? He wasn't sure what the trigger was this time, but he did know the last thing Gavin needed was to be left alone (and that was the last thing he would do to him). He needed to act with delicate care, and after the incident at the crime scene with Perkins, Hank had an idea that he hoped would fucking work (or it could make things worse. Maybe it was 50/50).

“Connor, finish up his shopping and get the towel and sweatpants from my trunk. Let me handle this.”

Hank was glad to see that the android wasn’t going to argue with him. There was no time, because it was painfully obvious Gavin was about to piss all over the floor, and that was something he was sure they both wanted to avoid. He approached the detective, who was throwing a spectacular tantrum and drawing a lot of attention. But the lieutenant knew he wasn’t aware of the scene he was making. Children aren’t conscious of that sort of thing, and he could tell Gavin was deeply regressed, maybe even worse than the last time he saw this happen back at the precinct. So being out in public made this just that much more tricky.

“Gavin…hey, kid, look at me.”

“Dad PLEASE let me go! I’ll be g-good! Please daaaad!”

“Hey, come on kiddo…ugh…”

Hank squatted down, to put himself on a child’s level. Which made no sense since Gavin was only standing hunched and stood much taller now than he did. But it was about the body language (well that was his theory, and he was going to roll with it), trying to appear open and not like he believed himself bigger and more important than Gavin. It seemed to have worked, because the man looked down at Hank, sniffling as his sobs quieted just a fraction.

“Look, lets get you to a bathroom, ok?”

“B-But my dad—”

“I’ll deal with your dad, ok? I promise, you won’t get in trouble. I’m…one of his friends. So that means I’m one of your friends.”

Hank could see the words wheeling around in Gavin’s head for a moment, but the desperation won out, and he took the lieutenant’s hand with his own free one, tugging in the direction of the bathrooms with the strength of a man possessed.

“Please, please, hurry, mister!”

Hank allowed himself to be dragged, ignoring the snickers and odd glances they both received from the other customers. Couldn’t they see the poor guy was having a fucking PTSD induced meltdown and didn’t deserve to be judged like that?! Fuckers. They didn’t matter, he just had to ignore those bastards. All that mattered was Gavin. It took but a minute to reach the bathroom, and he ushered the man and himself into the handicap stall, ignoring the protest blurted out by someone else standing at the urinals. If he was as deeply regressed as Hank thought he was, he wanted to remain close to the man, to make him feel comfortable. Being a child in public all alone was terrifying and didn't like to be too far from their parent or an adult.

“Alright, alright, there you go kid.”

Hank barely had time to turn his back before the young man yanked his pants and boxers down to below the line of his genitals and aimed, and then there was nothing. No sound of urine hitting toilet water. The only sound he could hear was that of straining, and the crying starting to intensify again.

“I caaaan’t! It w-won’t come out! Dad didn’t say I could! OW OW OOOOW!”

So that’s why Gavin was trying to high tail it out of the store so fast. Hank sighed, muttering obscenities under his breath. The detective had been denied permission to use public bathrooms as a child, so using the bathroom had never been an option. Trauma could do silly things to the human body, and something so ingrained seemed to lock the poor man’s bladder right up. He had to think fast, or else an accident was going to be unavoidable. That, or the poor man was going to hurt himself and wind up needing medical care.

Hank dashed out of the stall for a moment, putting the bathroom sink faucet on full blast before joining poor Gavin once more. The guy was so strung up with his desperation he was tense as could be, standing on his tip-toes as he bobbed up and down, sobbing louder and louder. He moved up behind him, putting his hands on his ears, which earned a startled yelp and a little jet of piss pulsing out before his bladder was sealed off once more The lieutenant leaned himself close to Gavin, close enough to be able to speak into one of his now covered ears.

“Please, just trust me. I’m going to help you go, ok? You wanna pee?”

“Y-Yes, please…I need to go potty so baaaad!”

“Alright, I know kiddo. I want you to just listen to the water, ok? Just…block out everything else. Just, listen to the water, and relax, ok?”

Hank could feel how the man rejected the request at first, a thin and airy whine wheezing from his throat as he struggled against the intense sensation he must be feeling at the sound of the water running. He was overwhelmed, so Gavin closed his eyes tightly to block out some sensory input. And it helped, because suddenly he seemed to be trying to listen to the instructions given to him, and after struggling for a few moments more, hips jerking as he begged and begged for his bladder to let go, the blissful sound of urine pouring into the toilet could be heard. And damn if that wasn’t the best fucking sound.

“There you go. Good boy. Just get it all out. Bet that feels good, huh?”

Hank tried to keep from making this all uncomfortable, which was a little hard considering he was so close to a grown man with his dick and balls out pissing to his heart's content. But he also had to remember; right now, Gavin wasn’t himself, he was a child. And he wouldn’t be uncomfortable with doing this for a child. He just had to go into all of this with that mindset, that he was a little boy trapped in the body of a man. Fucking Christ between he and Connor, the lieutenant had his hands absolutely full being a father again.  And it felt good to be needed like that, even if he wouldn’t admit it. It took some time for the stream to taper off, and as it did Hank removed his hands, rubbing a soothing hand up and down the man’s back. Then, bladder completely expelled, Gavin collapsed to the floor, dragging Hank down with him.

“Whoa, whoa, hold it there, tiger! Hey, you ok?”

“Sleepy…”

Hank could feel something tug at his heart when he looked at the man’s face. It did the perfect imitation of any emotionally exhausted child; eyes rimmed red, lids drooping, mouth slacked down in upset, nose red and puffy. He couldn’t blame poor Gavin for being tired after the turmoil he just went through, and he had to wonder how often this sort of thing happened, and how many times he’s had to suffer through such an episode alone. Not again. Never again. He was never going to let this man suffer through this alone ever again in his life. So long as he drew breath, Hank was going to be the father he’s never had but always needed.

“Come on, kiddo. Lets go get you home so you can get some sleep, hm?”

Hank made to pull the tired man off of the floor, but he was abruptly stopped by a pair of strong arms wrapping around his waist, and he looked down upon a pair of large, sad eyes, but they held a little spark of hope.

“Mister…thank you. For…for helping me. My dad…my dad is not nice. Not nice…you are, though. Maybe…maybe…you—”

Hank could feel his breath catching in his throat as he sat himself back down once more.

“Maybe you can be my daddy? I…I want a nice daddy. I want… a daddy…w-who loves me…I don't wanna be alone no more...”

That was it. Hank yanked the man into his lap, which was a little difficult to do due to their size differences, but Gavin wouldn’t see that. He was a little boy who just wanted love and safety, and he’d be damned if he didn’t give it to him. He rocked the man back and forth, and the lieutenant noted he had started crying again. It was, thankfully, much more subdued than the wailing from before, but it was still a punch to the gut. His answer was so readily available on his tongue he didn't even need a moment to think.

"Of course. Of course I'll be your daddy. All little boys need a daddy. Hey, hush now. It's gonna be ok."

Hank could hear a cry of surprise, and the sobbing picked up louder, a mix of pain and yet happiness. It was such a beautiful thing, and he hoped that if there was a heaven up there in the grand old sky, Cole was proud of the man and father he's become, even if he couldn't be a father to him. It took time to quite poor Gavin, but after doing so and getting him wiped down and into the pants he had Connor bring in, the three of them made off for the Anderson residence to tuck the tired 'boy' in a blanket on the couch. And if Gavin muttered a little 'Thanks for everything...daddy...' after he woke from his nap and made his way home to put his groceries away, Hank didn't say anything. Nothing needed saying. It was all said in the hug they shared and the unspoken open door policy the detective was now extended, officially being welcomed into the Anderson family.


End file.
